Tales Of A Complicated Retalitonship With Makeup

I love makeup, and even though I have gotten pretty decent at it, my relationship with it has always been complicated.

First of all, let me give you some context. My mother is from a small town here in Colombia, She moved to the capital city in order to get her degree. Bogota opened her eyes to the world of fashion, and she had to start dressing up beacuse she worked nights in order to make ends meet.

Round one:

So, fashion was on her radar, but makeup never has been, and i think at this point it's fair to say, it never will be. Even though she enjoys looking put together, wearing makeup is, without a reason, a bit outside of her comfort zone. Needless to say, she never taught me about it, and my interest in this peaked a little late.

I, on the other hand, grew up figure skating and attended a catholic school only for girls, wearing a uniform everyday, so my interest in fashion also peaked late. I switch schools not really knowing how to express myself through style and actually look good, so I gave up pretty easily and started wearing all black, sneakers and adopted a 'tomboy' look, but poorly done.

Round two:

Suddenly, somehing inside of me changed, and I started trying to get some style on a budget, and well, obviously, did not get it right on the first try, or second, or third. With this came makeup, drugstore makeup that is.

I was on my first year of a second try to get my degree as a journalist, so money was not flowing, but every penny I had went to something new for my almost empty makeup bag. I love how this relationship started, it was rocky, but we survived and we are still going strong.

Luckily, that was the perfect time for me to start doing my makeup on a regular basis, because none of my girlfriends had any talent in this area either (even though the had more experience than me), so we could learn about it together, and support makes everything easier.

Round three:

My interest in fashion quickly became an obsession, and the more my skills improved, the more that obsession grew and the more money I spent on it. But like the oh, so very wise Jamie Oliver once said: "I'ts not the extremes and the treats that are the problem. It's the everyday". Sure, he was talking about food, but it kind of fit my situation. Not only did I have no money, but my self steem started depending on my makeup, which was bad news for someone who's not very good at it, and has to do it very fast and on a bus, or inbetween classes, because my priority was graduating and my schedule was packed.

In order to separate my self steem from my full face of makeup I had togo cold turkey, so for a couple of months I had to face the world bare faced and feeling horrible.

Round four:

Eventually, I got used to it, with the downside that when I started doing it again, I had to keep it in check, and make sure it didn't happen again. AND I also had to learn again, but that's okay, practice makes perfect, right? Well, it took a while but not only did I got my skills back, but I started learning so many different things, none of them were perfect when I did them, but they were good enough. It got to a point where my friends would just ask me to do their makeup for special occasions, like birthdays, job interviews, parties, and even weddings. It was kind of awesome.

Round five:

I started an intership in a fashion tv show on an international channel and everyone was tall, thin and beautiful. And I was trying my best to keep up, but I struggled a lot. I was working with models, and the fashion industry is not a very forgiving one, so I gave up again, I only did my makeup when it was strictly necessary, and that was not very often. My self steem was fine this time, but deep inside I just knew it wouldn't matter how hard I tried, I would never look like some of my coworkers, so I made an extra effort in making my work speak for me and it sort of worked.

I finally understood appearences are important but they are not going to hide the person you really are, and when people see you often, appearences become irrelevant, and who you are is what makes you shine.

Victory?:

And don't get me wrong, I still love makeup. The only difference is that I now understand that it only enhances what I am as a person, it doesn't make me.

Last year I was struggling to make ends meet for a while, so I let myself go in private. I was unemployed and I only went outside to walk my dog. But this time, I kept on buying a little something for my makeup bag once in a while, and only did a full face when it was appropriate. I am finally finding a balance between obsession and necessity.